Lord of the Rings: Conquest

Hi! This is my new article. it is my normal paper article, not the April Fools, which i will be posting shortly.



All of the Lord of the Rings video games so far have ended with: ‘And with the ring destroyed, Middle Earth descended into a long reign of peace… and yaddah, peace, yaddah, fluffy bunnies, yaddah… or at least most of them. So, Lord of the Rings: Conquest offers a new outlook. Let’s see… save the world from Sauron… and then, after that… DESTROY IT AS SAURON! MUHAHAHA! Yes… Destroy all hobbitses… The gameplay is ok, basically your average hack- and- slash fighter. You can go online and play multiplayer, or you can grab a random passerby and play a 2- player campaign offline. For instance, “Hey, dad, want to play Lord of the Rings with me?” “No.” “Ok! Let’s play!” Basically you can drag pretty much anyone in to play this, because skill doesn’t really help when you can just mash buttons and win.
I personally believe that one of the best features of this game is the “Play as Hero” option. During gameplay, you sometimes will respawn and have the option, ‘Play as ______ (insert hero/ villain name here). For instance, in the plains battle, you can play as Eowyn and kill the Witch King. After that, you gain the ‘No Man Am I’ trophy in your trophies section in the PlayStation 3. Also, you can play as Oliphants, Trolls, Balrog, and even an Ent. If you have a Siaxis Controller, it will vibrate like heck if you are near a moving Oliphant or troll or anything at least ten times your size. Take the reins of a battle ready Warg or horse and charge you enemies into nonexistence (I recommend this extremely destructive habit. It is nearly as fun as killing 100 orc grunts in a minute flat. It is also a good way to express your obsessive love of fantasy animals… in a video game). Be careful to not get killed though… it can be quite frustrating to start a whole stage over again because you thought it was fun to run underneath a Oliphant’s foot. Seriously, people. Do you enjoy the big, red FAILED loading screen? Or maybe it is a new form of masochistic activity… Do you do that on math tests, too? Ow! Don’t smack me! I’m sorry!
Anyway, This game is rated T for Teen (Pssh, of course not. It’s rated T for trees only. Oh wait… that would be ‘TO’. Sorry.) so, sorry, kiddies, I don’t know why you are reading this, but, too bad.